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diary style entry on collective unconsciousness


i remember when i worked at sonic drive-in during happy hour from 2-4 when we offered half price drinks and slushes, it would be consistently busy the entire 2 hours and the parking lot rarely got entirely full, though pretty close to it.  but, i remember thinking “how is it that the timing of when people decide to come here is so perfect?  it has never been so busy that people couldn’t find a parking spot.  like, why didn’t the people who came from 2-4 ALL come at the SAME time?”  it never happened.  it was pretty much a steady flow, busy, but steady.  i eventually voiced this out loud to a friend i worked with.  he considered my question in his mind a bit and pretty quickly concluded, “collective unconsciousness.”  i never heard anyone say that before, but i was pretty sure what he meant, but i asked anyway, “what do you mean, exactly?”.  he told me that there is a scientific theory that people are unconsciously and collectively connected in a way that we can avoid a pile up in our parking lot because people unconsciously know WHEN to go somewhere.  (this rule may appear to not apply because of a timed event such as any event that has a specific starting time that requires all to be there at one given time) it made sense to me immediately and it made me think about how everything that exists is energy and has a vibrational frequency. 

anyway, anytime i had a job at NIGHT in my life, i always had anxiety and felt lazy and did not want to work.  if my job was during the day, i had a way easier time coping with going to a job.  it makes me wonder that if, because of the collective unconsciousness of my city and working during the day is immensely more common for people to do,  i “flow” better when i ALSO work during daytime hours.  the energy given off by my community makes me able to feel the energetic vibration of working.  this makes so much sense to me, personally.  and at night time when most people are relaxing, exercising, hanging out, even playing, i feel that energy and my body is resisting the notion that i have to work because it does not match the collective unconscious energy of just “hanging out” and “doing whatever you feel like doing”.

when i was a waitress at a pub the past year, i asked if i could please only work the daytime shift.  i told my manager working at night tended to give me more anxiety.  she just looked at me weird and asked, “are you going to night school or something?”  i said “no.”  and then she said, “other girls here have things to do at night that are important so i can’t just let you only work during the day because you want to.”  i was pretty pissed off, and she was a very cold hearted person at all times anyway, so i quit.

but after i had already quit i realized that SHE wasn’t being fair.  i am just as validated for my reasons for not being able to work at night as the other employees are.  if people really want a reason i can always say, “it is a spiritual reason.”  after all, religions are allowed to “break the rules” based on religious traditions…

when i apply for a job soon, i’m definitely going to make it very clear that i cannot work at night because it conflicts with my schedule.  i am pretty sure it is legal for me to not give a reason beyond that. 

i just feel like im so sensitive to energy fields and i am reaching in to my inner knowingness and making valid conclusions.  it feels right to me.

and what feels right to me may not feel right to someone else. 

we need to realize in our society that we are not a one size fits all species!  my deep desire to live my life a certain way is not a limitation, it’s my purpose. 

i pretty much trust my own intuition more than anything or what ANYONE could say to me.

truly knowing your Self is the most crucial tool you can use in this life.


California Dreamin.  Redwoods National Forest.

"Magic exists. Who can doubt it, when there are rainbows and wildflowers, the music of the wind and the silence of the stars? Anyone who has loved has been touched by magic. It is such a simple and such an extraordinary part of the lives we live."

- Nora Roberts (via observando)

(via notoast)

"Self-knowledge — the bitterest knowledge of all and also the kind we cultivate least: what is the use of catching ourselves out, morning to night, in the act of illusion, pitilessly tracing each act back to its root, and losing case after case before our own tribunal?"


E.M. Cioran, from The Trouble With Being Born  (via winged-serpent)

A very bitter acid that destroys fools and makers the wise immortal..

(via hermeticpaw)

(Source: violentwavesofemotion, via child-of-the-universe)

i think that every person is born with an intuition about how their life is to be lived according to the purpose of their soul being on planet earth in human form.  that being said, i ignored probably my biggest intuition “moment” i have ever had. 

i was 15 or 16 and a sophomore in high school.  i never once had an urge to try drugs or alcohol.  i had absolutely no interest in it.  i also did not think people who did drugs and alcohol were bad people.  i just had this strong intuition to not drink alcohol or to take drugs.  so, my life always seemed to work out for me, i was very good student and i always had one or two really close friends.  i wasn’t popular and i wasn’t an outcast.  i liked it that way, it felt right.  i did wish that i did not have as much social anxiety as i had, but i knew that if i kept trying to overcome it, i would.  and then i went to my first party.  i remember being offered a jello shot, and my friend that i had gone to the party with took hers straight away.  i was so hesitant.  there was such a deep sense inside of me telling me that “it’s poison”.  in my conscious mind i knew alcohol was not a healthy substance but i also knew that it wasn’t literally a poison that would kill me.  i knew that millions of people drank, including my parents and my older brother and nearly everyone from school.  everyone had fun and danced and laughed and just connected with each other when they drank alcohol.  the only reason i had to not touch it at all was my intuition.  that’s it. 

so, i ignored this voice inside me that was literally shouting at me to not drink.  my life changed so much.  slowly.  i did worse in school and my anxiety actually got worse.  i literally only drank like once or twice a month though, so nothing too bad happened.  i just became less able to function. 

senior year i drank more often, probably every two weeks.  i literally stopped caring about school completely.  i felt anxious to the point of leaving school early a few times.  but, i graduated and went on to college:  where all my peers did was get drunk.  i have to admit i had fun at first, but i completely neglected my school work and bought essays online (haha) instead of doing it myself.  i would miss class frequently because i was hungover or just tired from drinking all weekend.  my passion for creative writing and film (my major and minor) was dwindling fast.  my drinking elevated so much to the point where i was having a drink nearly every night and getting drunk 2 or 3 times on the weekend.  now, this might be nothing to some people and i understand that!  each and every one of us is unique and on a different path and functions differently.  if you love the party lifestyle, by all means, do it!  i am not here to give advice,  i am writing this diary entry style.  and maaaaybe someone will relate. 

my second semester at college was a disaster.  i had constant panic attacks and was depressed as ever and frequently wondered about dying. 

i knew what was wrong the whole time but i ignored it.

i kept doing this for years.  eventually i even added smoking marijuana to the mix.  i hated being high on weed alone so i would also be drunk while i smoked. 

last week i decided to drink alcohol and smoke just one hit from my friend’s pipe.  it was alright, but that was almost a week ago and i am just now starting to “normalize”.

i really think that alcohol and marijuana affect my vibrational frequency to a point that incapacitates me.  it is a lingering effect, too.  i have to work super hard to bring my vibration back to where it was before, back to a level without constant anxiety and crying and depression. 

so this is why i am going to be sober from weed and alcohol.  my spirituality/vibrational frequency mean more to me than anything else, why do i keep sabotaging myself?!

oh also i was sober for a month before i recently drank and smoked.  there is just such a crazy difference.  i am also 4 months off of Prozac and i want to give myself the best shot possible at staying off of Prozac. 

this is me finally listening to my intuition.

lol i still feel a bit anxious and weird today, im embarrassed to post this and i wrote it lazily.  i just wanted to get my words out, though. 

have a happy day everyone!  be yourself xo


Squirrels in a Plane Tree. Ascribed to the artist Abu’l Hasan, 1605-08. Mughal India British Library

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